Dating My Husband

I would like to share with you how my husband and I met, the road we were on, how Christ redeemed us and why we never got to date until now.

I was baptised at age 12, but drifted very soon after from the Lord and found myself living in the secular world in a very secular way. My husband was not a believer but him and I both had very similar life styles, very wild and with very empty and lonely hearts. I met him in 2005 in my home country, while I was on the night out celebrating my friends birthday party. We both fell hard for each other and instantly pursued each other for a serious relationship, but not in a Godly way. Prior to meeting him, my prayer each day was to follow Christ, but I felt too weak to commit, at the times I tried, I was easily taken away by the desire to be loved, and found myself back at square one. Even when I felt lost and unheard, God heard me. 

We spent 48h together before he flew back to his home county. We were in love and took turns visiting each other once, until we took the drastic step to move in together, in the UK. Only weeks after our move, I fell pregnant with our son. The crazy things were, that each time we engaged in this immorality I felt so ashamed and guilty and that day we conceived, I told my husband -then boyfriend that I could not be a part of it anymore and that we needed to stop what we were doing. To my surprise, he was supportive.

Instantly after conceiving, I became sick, and was hospitalized for severe hyper emesis. My whole life fell apart. I was alone, sick, and humbled. I was unable to brush my hair, stand up and in the mercy of the man of my dreams, who I felt I had disappointed. I was no longer this beautiful girl he fell in love with, but this blob who he had to care for 24/7, by brushing my teeth, bathing me, shaving my legs, cooking for me, helping me up the stairs etc. It was an awful experience and to top it all off, I developed sever cystic acne on my face. I couldn't believe it. I had never had a zit on my face, not even during the peak of my puberty and here I am with 1" cysts growing on my face. This of course could not be treated because I was carrying a precious package.

For so many years, I only knew how to live by being "good looking". I believed that people who had it all, or got it all were the ones who physically presented themselves well. At this humbling time in my life, I could hardly face the world. Even though I was sick and could hardly keep anything in, the pounds just piled on and I found myself 70lbs heavier than before. I was devastated but now, I truly believe it was orchestrated for something bigger. I found myself praying on my knees and weeping in front of the Lord asking Him to take this burden away from me, I knew He could, but He didn't. 

As I got some of my strength back, I knew I needed to find a home church. I was alone, my husband -then boyfriend, worked long hours and I needed a family. I remembered seeing a Christian BookStore in Town and I gathered up all the strength I had, to visit that shop to inquire of a possible church to attend. Through that church, I found a "home church" I could attend every Sunday, I knew I needed Christ in my life more than ever. Having the wonderful man by my side that he was, being such a gentleman, he drove me to and from church each time. He did not share the same beliefs as me, and considering our scenario, I wasn't the best example of Christ to him either, yet he stood by my side, during every service and every sermon. Never did he mock me, my faith... God was working in him.

Being the scientist that he is, he did a lot of research on Christianity. I'll let him write this next paragraph, for accuracy:

..."Supporting Cathy with her faith seemed like the natural thing to do. Being in the life situation I was in though, I was intrigued and interested by the words the Pastors were saying. Classifying myself as a Scientist, I was however, skeptical. I needed to understand more. With some help of my brother-in-law Jason, and some of my own findings, I collected some literature. The first book was ‘Mere Christianity’ by C.S.Lewis, which really drove home some key messages, but I still needed more, facts. I therefore delved into Lee Strobel’s book ‘Case for Christ’. This book was detailed, analytical and accurate. I was surprised by the wealth of information that I was missing, and that I had never been told at school etc. My opinions began to change. Christ, faith and God, were indeed plausible, which left me at a crossroads. I had a choice to make, did I continue on and pretend I didn’t know, or give in to the truth, the truth that Christ had died for me and that I needed to surrender my life to Him in order to gain it back again. With overwhelming certainty, I chose Christ. Since then Christ has helped to develop a deeper understanding of his Love for me, and I am continuing to study the word and further my knowledge in the area of Theology."... -Simon

4 months into our pregnancy, he gave his life to Christ and a year later was baptized. We moved to my home country to live and to give birth to our baby boy, we were married and to this day, together we walk in Christ, pregnant with out #4 and looking forward to what God has in store for us and eager to serve. God took us from a dark place, redeemed us both to bring others hope and Him all the glory. No matter where you are, how badly you have drifted, know this -God's grip is tight, He doesn't let go. It's never, never too late to turn back to Him, He will turn everything to good. Romans 8:28

Now we're dating. Since we never got to date prior to marriage, we are dating now. We are dating each other as much as often as we can, especially when times allow us to hire babysitters. We went by years with not affording babysitting and having to date at home while the kids slept, which is not the same -but it will do. Seasons for everything, right?

As we have both grown in Christ, we also believe that dating is not a good idea prior to marriage. We have seen and experienced it first hand, that it can be hindering to getting to know your future spouse in a way that would benefit both participants and the aftershock of it in our marriage. Both my husband and I have prayed about it and we will teach our children about courting/courtship instead. Rather that giving your heart away numerous times, keeping it safe and saved for the future spouse is honorable and save you from lots of misery and grief, that both my husband and I have experienced - another testimony and more on that HERE. (do note, this blog post has two sections, the bottom section is about the grief we took into our marriage)

What is the difference in dating and courting? Why does it matter? HERE

and Guidelines for Sexual Purity HERE