The Big Fat BLAH!!!

Blah! Ugh! SIGH

The accumulated half empty shampoo bottles that clutter your shower and bath. The  pumpkins, from last Halloween, that are rotting on your front porch and strewn all over your lawn from a little soccer moment by the kids. The garbage from "that reno", sitting in your car port for everyone to see, that still is waiting to be driven to the dump. The dead bees from last summer that died on your window ledge are still there. The tightness of your clothes that discourage you and create self loathing. The hungry kids who want food now, and your kitchen surfaces that are full of piles of random things and papers that need organizing. BLAH! UGH! AAAAAAARGH!!!! The feeling of seeing your tidy home sanctum, become a messy-crummy-bitty-mess in matter of minutes and you get a unexpected visit at that very same moment. 

I have blogged about decluttering before. Many times. Today, I'm going to blog about de-itemizing your life. I think I just came up with that word. Yes, de-itemizing.

I have decluttered my home so many times, that I am beginning to realize that the problem lies in something else. How on earth, after decluttering a zillion times, do I feel like my head is still caving in, and my anxiety is still ticking within? What's bothering me? Why can't my soul rest? Each item that I have decide to keep I can really make use of. I'm seriously not a hoarder (denial kicking in!!), so I know whether I need it or don't. Usually my mottos are, "if in doubt, throw it out" and "if I have not used it within 12 months, I won't", and "if I need one, I'll just borrow one, or buy one then" etc. So, I know (think) that the stuff I have in my home is there to serve us. Yes, true.

So what if I really can find use for them, which would impact us in a positive way or impact someone else in a positive way. I'm sure these are great things, good things and practical things. We "need" them. 

However, if our house burnt down tomorrow, I wouldn't remember 80% of the things that we have in our home. I'd probably not remember 80% of the kids books, the stack of "tape and fix" kids books, half of our seasonal candle holders, half of our clothes, 75% of the things that are in our bathroom cabinet, probably all of the sheets tucked in a cupboard... all of those wires and gadgets, craft ribbon, baskets, jewellery,  nicknacks, bits and bobs.. and so on....sigh.

But why is it so hard to give these items up? Because my brain has been coded in a certain way.

I see a potential gift. I see a good opportunity for a family activity. I see a good homeschooling class. I see visitors. I see future recipes. I see quality time. I see a great sewing project, a rejuvenated living room. I see a hand written letter. I see a picture collage, a scrapbooking event. I see hospitality, a dinner party. I see a birthday. I see time to enjoy my family. But my time is limited. I don't have the time to experience these desires and ideas. I am a mom of small kids and my time is so sparse. 

I see rotting pumpkins and dirty skirting boards because I am too busy to do anything about them. I have decluttered yes, but I have not simplified my life truly. I am not talking about the other blogs that encourage a "10 steps to a simplified life", I'm talking about a complete freedom from the grasp of the way of the world. Is it possible?

There are so many beautiful things out there. There are so many inspiring and motivating craft ideas, clothing trends, sewing projects, bathroom ideas, books-books-books, party ideas, recipes, new gadgets, and lots of incredible and intriguing things. I cannot seem to walk into Walmart without buying something "which happens to be the coolest thing that day" and another addition to my "fun things to do" list. These beautiful things are actually robbing me, they are robbing my family and the time I have with my Lord. I can't fully create, I can't fully be present for my family, and I can't fully do a thorough job at home. Even though I have not done any of the 3 previously mentioned, I feel torn between them all and I freeze. I choose nothing. I watch my house become a mess, I see the dishes pile on top of an empty dishwasher, I did the minimal in teaching science lesson today, I see the organized craft projects on the shelf that I don't know how long it'll be before I can make them (maybe years?!). I basically freeze. My mind races, my ideas accumulate, I day dream. The home gets messy, my mind gets messy, the bathroom is messy, I trip on a toy and it sets me off. I'm shouting at the kids, I am yelling at the top of my lungs "GOD HELP ME!!!! I NEED YOU NOW, I CAN'T DO IT!" I don't want to be an angry mom that just drones on. On top of that, my nick name to myself had become "Comet".. I give a 100% on every project and new idea, diets, tradition etc..and it fades away in 2 weeks or so... on to the next new thing....and again, I go up and I go down....-Comet.

On top of managing the basics of the day, and as a homeschooling mom, I really don't have much time to tackle my ideas listed above or the time do bigger (and needed) clean ups or maintenance of the home. It's either tackle that sewing project I've been planning for 2 years or make dinner. Have a conversation with my kids or read the news online. Sit down with my hubby after the kids have gone to sleep, or organize the shed. I choose poorly and then I suffer. My home suffers and I feel anxious and uneasy. Because, I live in chaos. Decluttered chaos. Organized chaos. It's chaos.

I'm on a mission. I am going to de-itemize my home. I am going to give away, throw away, or sell a LOT! I don't know how much exactly, but all I know is that I will know, when I know, it is enough :)

I am going to get rid of things I love, I like and I probably will miss. It will hurt but I am determined.

I'm looking around now, and I see things I would hate to part from, but I have already made my decision to do it. A lot of energy is tied to items. Whether they are useful or not, they burden us. 

I encourage you to join me in de-itemizing-IN-December! Letting go, beyond the decluttering, beyond the organizing and labeling, letting go of the things around you. Become less, so He can become more in our lives. Lessen the things around you, even the beautiful things around you, so He can become more beautiful in your life.

More on De-Itemizing and De-cluttering HERE and HERE

Join me, this July 2014, on a 30 day de-itemizing challenge! Please share your experiences with me, I would love to hear!!!

Mothers, Daughters and Heavenly Father

Only a few days ago, I found myself deeply longing- soul wrenching longing for my mother. This kind of longing, is in fact unusual. Of course there are times I miss my mom, times when I miss her very much (right after giving birth, for example) but never have I felt this way, since becoming an adult.

We live in seperate continents, nevermind countries. I see her once a year, so far, which to most expats -that is good! She said goodbye to me and my family a few days ago (this post has been published late), and my heart sunk. Within, I curled up into a fetal position, holding onto her scent, her "being" and cried myself to sleep. But in reality, I kept on going, picking up after my kids, prepping for bedtime and for "tomorrow's lunch" etc. I swallowed my tears, until I couldn't anymore, and I gave my self a minute or two to straighten up and continued with my tasks. But, all I wanted to do, is push aside the responsibility, the load and become that daughter I once was. The daughter, I was once cared for, at home, by a mother.

I am a mother now.

Sometimes it's hard to shake off the "person you once were -reputation" and behave a certain way, from habit, with family, the way you used to. It's almost like, during family gatherings and visits, you subconciously taking the role you once unfortunately mastered in your family when you were a kid and growing up. I was a "hot head", in some ways I still am. But by God's grace and His strength and guidance, I no longer carry that sign above my head. A lady at church put it very wisely, "I used to live in my sin and acknowledge His Grace, but now I lvie in His Grace and acknowledge my sin".

How can the people within a family be so different, yet so alike? Doncha just hate it, when sometimes you open your mouth and your mother comes out!? SMILE! That WAS a joke, but so true isn't it?

Time flies, we get older, everyone around us grows older too. We do our things, get families, careers, attend and serve at church, surrender to and follow Christ. Yet, inside me, there is a little girl who misses the times she got rides from her dad on his bicycle to preschool, riding the bus with her mom on our way to the movies, and playing with her brothers in the sandbox, and the endless days and endless summer holidays that felt like forever. Now, time flies, I can barely grasp it. I just can't grasp it.

I have to believe that what God has in store for us, in Heaven, IS worth it all. Worth growing old, worth saying goodbyes, worth the diseases we fight, worth the tears we shed, worth everything we bare.. Heaven is and will be worth it all. This is a promise, I have to hold on to dear life.

My children, OUR children, are first God's before they were ever given to us. His love for them, is far greater than ours, multiplied, could ever be. His plans for them are perfect, regardless of how we feel about them (plans). Our parents are His children too. His plans for them, are perfect as well.

Faith comes by hearing, and hearing comes by reading. When trials and tribulations come, not IF, but WHEN they do...we need to be rooted fast in His Word, so that we may stand strong and carry the peace that surpasses ALL understanding.