The Struggle Is Real (Part 2)

In my previous post HERE, I went over some issues that are bothering me in my home, that I believe are hindering us as a family to live a "happy" home life. On this post, I am going to point out a few factors that I think may be the "culprits", the hindering factors.

• We get upset with our kids when they create a tornado in every room they pass through. "Pick that up, see you left this, that...do you have to touch everything?!" In some ways, I believe that we as parents are to blame. First of all, if we didn't have "all of that stuff" in the home in the first place, then our curious little children would not be leaving a trail of stuff while they lived in our home. If we had less stuff, working on chores and keeping up with bits wouldn't be so overwhelming to them, and we would yell less. Did that make any sense at all?? We are the ones who bring endless stuff -games, toys and books, crafts, clothes, and bits and bobs into our homes, the kids don't. We do. We allow the kids to. Who's in charge? It's only the natural curious nature of our kids who explore everything and anything around them. What is our home supposed to be like for us, and for them? Secondly, accumulation of things and stuff isn't coded in us, it's learnt. Tell me if I'm wrong (I know, genetics...)? Does accumulation happen through social pressure, in the society we live in? "Everything must be tried, and experienced!", "Taste THIS, craft THAT, sleep on THIS!" We must do EVERYTHING. We become secret hoarders. Always wanting more, because it is an endless sea of possibilities and upgrades. One thing I read somewhere that hit home was this, "You can do ANYTHING, but not EVERYTHING" If only, we could apply it to everything in our lives. We cannot keep up. 
• (This may be a small factor of stuff in your home, but it's still a factor) I have a cupboard full of supplements. What could be wrong with that? It's healthy! Oh yes, yes they are, BUT! Firstly, what if we spent that $$$ on organic nutrient dense foods instead, -or at least half of it? It's starting to make sense to me. I have bottles upon bottles of pills, that are very much good for me, yet I would sometimes second guess on purchasing organic eggs, vegetables, and beef! Yet I would still spend $$ on vitamins. We wouldn't need supplementation if I was focusing on nutrient dense foods.  Secondly, I carry stress over remembering to eat my pills, so I can be healthy, I'll be doomed if I don't. Right? "So many pills to swallow, at these times of the day, with these meals. After my workout" "Oh shoot! I shouldn't take these now, they'll keep me up all night!" 

It's not meant to be a prison of anxiety of healthy living. Healthy living should be liberating, not the opposite wherein we become so fixated on what goes into our body. I tend to lean towards stressing more about my physical health than I do about my spiritual well being, unfortunately. You see? This is only one example of the things around us, in our homes that we imprison ourselves with. Let me list a few things that imprison me. 

• Family "heirlooms".
• Unfinished craft projects, albums.
• Potential craft projects. (Good ones!)
• Books.
• Potential school books. (Where do I find the time, to teach it all?!)
• Games, puzzles etc. (The fun family fun nights, coming up?!)
• China. (Other kitchen stuff that I can't seem to choose what to part with)
• Baby related blankets, linen. 
• Stuffies. (Every stuffy has a story, to each child, how can I get rid of?)
• Furniture. (What if we need these pieces later?)

My list goes on and on and on.

The truth is, I will never have enough time to enjoy them all as frequently as they should be, in my mind. Are they worth the space? Are they worth the visual noise, the guilt ("I still haven't played that game with my kids", "One day, bla bla bla with these"), the reminder that you are incapable of delivering? Incapable of making things happen, incapable of following through with regimes, unwritten rules, potential hobbies and then the images you've created in your mind with all of the stuff that's in your home. No, this has to stop. We can do ANYTHING, but not EVERYTHING. Now is the time to figure out what that "anything" is, and what the rest are that can be let go of. Are you following what I'm trying to put into words?

You should Quit Your Job!

Have you ever happened to have a rough day at work? Or even a whole week or even a whole season of hard times at work?? If your answer is 'YES'... then,

YOU SHOULD TOTALLY QUIT YOUR JOB! Seriously. Just quit!

Yeah well, if I told you that I get that advice at times, would you believe me? No really, I do.

I am a mother of 4. I homeschool 2 of them, grades K and 3. That means that I have a toddler and baby to take care of too. I also need to cook, clean and take care of my mental and physical health on top of the other million things that need doing. To top it off, my pregnancies can be quite testing to say the least, and I have been in situations at times where I've had to rely on other people's help. Yes, I've humbly asked or accepted a hand, to tackle my busy life.

I get a lot of advice and I hear a lot of opinions on how people think I should do things i.e. live life. When I've had a testing time in my life, as short as a hour or as long as a month (pregnancies for example), people tell me to give it up. They tell me we'd be better off putting our kids into school, stop having kids and to go get my life back (whatever that means???) To that I feel like saying,

-When the next tough time at work or in whatever you love to do happens, just give it up and quit! Life is supposed to be easy peasy all of the time, don't you know?? There are no trials, no testing, no growth, no negativity, no mistakes, and everything should be just great! If you don't have it good all of the time, you're obviously doing something wrong or don't know what you are doing, putting yourself into these situations... hello!

and that is what I feel like saying... but since I think before I speak type...

Okay, what I mean to say is that, life will always be hard at times in someway or another. We all have our trials, our bad days and we grow from them, we mature and we become more wise. We know the good days outnumber the bad by a zillion and we all make different choices in life, even though they may happen to have a hard journey to the destination and we may even have to ask and/or accept help to get there. Sometimes the journeys feel like they last forever! Hard work pays off. In my case, my pregnancies are hard, but they pay off, oh so well...

Children are a blessing, NOT a burden. My body might ache, my mind might be tired at times, well a lot perhaps, but my soul and heart leap for joy! Our children do not hinder our marriage but bring us closer together as a team, as husband and wife. 

This is my job. I am a mom. I homeschool them. I'm beat at the end of the day and cannot wait to put my feet up. There are days when I don't want to go to work, but I have to. There are days, I'm so tired, I moan about it and have a sour attitude about it, but it passes. There are times, I am so overwhelmed that I need to plug into the Word and prayer so that I can survive another hour... and I'd do anything for someone to just give me a hand. There are times I just want to scream... And it passes.

But guess what, I love my job. I love my calling. It's a holy calling. I love my family. Everyday I am taken aback by how blessed I am with all I have. I love teaching and spending time with my kids. I love watching them discover and grow. I love to menu plan and cook for them. I love taking them to activities and field trips. 

I love my job.

With or without kids, life can be testing.

"What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise" -Oscar Wilde

Crying Out to God

One Sunday, a few months ago I had been convicted through a seminar that I was going through at the time. I told my husband to take the kids and leave me to meet my Creator in peace. He was kind enough to not question anything and take the kids swimming. Soon after they left, I fell on the bed, on my face and cried out to God. Literally, cried out, yelled out, sobbed and poured out my heart to my heavenly Father. All of my doubts and fears was layed out, infront of Him, as I clenched onto the covers and whimpered everything to Him.

"God you know my fears, my struggles, my pain... I choose to follow You, live out my convictions, have mercy on me!"

One thing in particular was on the top of my list,

pregnancy. 

Such a difficult and nauseous time for me. Nothing sweet about my pregnancies, just torture. 

"Oh God, if we are to leave the number of the children we have, up to you, would you please take the burden of my pregnancies??"

Well here I am TODAY, 7 weeks pregnant. We're expecting again. Our #4 :)

Do I feel nauseous? -YES! But nothing, nothing and once again nothing, compares to what I had to endure 3 pregnancies before. I have been lifted up, my cry has been heard and I am "standing" by His strength only.

I'm going to blog about this pregnancy. How I am coping, what I am learning, eating and doing. Stay tuned! 

 

More on our convictions, why we choose to have a "large" family HERE

More on severe pregnancy sickness- HyperEmesis Gravidadum HERE

 

Routine -How It's Done (currently)

This is how I manage homeschool, housework and "us/me" time etc. 

2014 we will be focusing more on the heart issues rather than on how much we can achieve. Instead of reading a ton of books, we'll absorb in fewer books, fully. Instead of quantity in school, relationships, food -it'll be quality.

Is that me, or what!

And, that's okay. 

So, I'm back making schedules. I'm okay if this schedule works out for 12 weeks... I mean well, I'll aim high and I will be content with the outcome.

(( To be honest, I probably won't be attending the 6 a.m. Hot Yoga. I might do some Pilates at home, if I feel overwhelmed with my plan. Tuesday mornings is ladies bible study anyhooo :))

For those who are wondering,

L.A: Language Arts

Loru Piiri etc: Finnish Language Studies

Piiri: Circle Time

Jump: Daycare at the gym

S.T: Social Studies

TKD: Taekwondo

Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven; 

Sometimes our studies are stretched out throughout the day, so my intentions here are, that they are "done" by noon.  For those who do not homeschool, and are wondering why homeschool days are so "short" -have a read HERE! And many more answers to your questions!

Just for some inspiration and guidance,

Luke 10:38-42

New International Version (NIV)

At the Home of Martha and Mary

³⁸ As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
⁴¹ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one.^[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I repeat : "it will NOT be taken away from her!"

The Big Fat BLAH!!!

Blah! Ugh! SIGH

The accumulated half empty shampoo bottles that clutter your shower and bath. The  pumpkins, from last Halloween, that are rotting on your front porch and strewn all over your lawn from a little soccer moment by the kids. The garbage from "that reno", sitting in your car port for everyone to see, that still is waiting to be driven to the dump. The dead bees from last summer that died on your window ledge are still there. The tightness of your clothes that discourage you and create self loathing. The hungry kids who want food now, and your kitchen surfaces that are full of piles of random things and papers that need organizing. BLAH! UGH! AAAAAAARGH!!!! The feeling of seeing your tidy home sanctum, become a messy-crummy-bitty-mess in matter of minutes and you get a unexpected visit at that very same moment. 

I have blogged about decluttering before. Many times. Today, I'm going to blog about de-itemizing your life. I think I just came up with that word. Yes, de-itemizing.

I have decluttered my home so many times, that I am beginning to realize that the problem lies in something else. How on earth, after decluttering a zillion times, do I feel like my head is still caving in, and my anxiety is still ticking within? What's bothering me? Why can't my soul rest? Each item that I have decide to keep I can really make use of. I'm seriously not a hoarder (denial kicking in!!), so I know whether I need it or don't. Usually my mottos are, "if in doubt, throw it out" and "if I have not used it within 12 months, I won't", and "if I need one, I'll just borrow one, or buy one then" etc. So, I know (think) that the stuff I have in my home is there to serve us. Yes, true.

So what if I really can find use for them, which would impact us in a positive way or impact someone else in a positive way. I'm sure these are great things, good things and practical things. We "need" them. 

However, if our house burnt down tomorrow, I wouldn't remember 80% of the things that we have in our home. I'd probably not remember 80% of the kids books, the stack of "tape and fix" kids books, half of our seasonal candle holders, half of our clothes, 75% of the things that are in our bathroom cabinet, probably all of the sheets tucked in a cupboard... all of those wires and gadgets, craft ribbon, baskets, jewellery,  nicknacks, bits and bobs.. and so on....sigh.

But why is it so hard to give these items up? Because my brain has been coded in a certain way.

I see a potential gift. I see a good opportunity for a family activity. I see a good homeschooling class. I see visitors. I see future recipes. I see quality time. I see a great sewing project, a rejuvenated living room. I see a hand written letter. I see a picture collage, a scrapbooking event. I see hospitality, a dinner party. I see a birthday. I see time to enjoy my family. But my time is limited. I don't have the time to experience these desires and ideas. I am a mom of small kids and my time is so sparse. 

I see rotting pumpkins and dirty skirting boards because I am too busy to do anything about them. I have decluttered yes, but I have not simplified my life truly. I am not talking about the other blogs that encourage a "10 steps to a simplified life", I'm talking about a complete freedom from the grasp of the way of the world. Is it possible?

There are so many beautiful things out there. There are so many inspiring and motivating craft ideas, clothing trends, sewing projects, bathroom ideas, books-books-books, party ideas, recipes, new gadgets, and lots of incredible and intriguing things. I cannot seem to walk into Walmart without buying something "which happens to be the coolest thing that day" and another addition to my "fun things to do" list. These beautiful things are actually robbing me, they are robbing my family and the time I have with my Lord. I can't fully create, I can't fully be present for my family, and I can't fully do a thorough job at home. Even though I have not done any of the 3 previously mentioned, I feel torn between them all and I freeze. I choose nothing. I watch my house become a mess, I see the dishes pile on top of an empty dishwasher, I did the minimal in teaching science lesson today, I see the organized craft projects on the shelf that I don't know how long it'll be before I can make them (maybe years?!). I basically freeze. My mind races, my ideas accumulate, I day dream. The home gets messy, my mind gets messy, the bathroom is messy, I trip on a toy and it sets me off. I'm shouting at the kids, I am yelling at the top of my lungs "GOD HELP ME!!!! I NEED YOU NOW, I CAN'T DO IT!" I don't want to be an angry mom that just drones on. On top of that, my nick name to myself had become "Comet".. I give a 100% on every project and new idea, diets, tradition etc..and it fades away in 2 weeks or so... on to the next new thing....and again, I go up and I go down....-Comet.

On top of managing the basics of the day, and as a homeschooling mom, I really don't have much time to tackle my ideas listed above or the time do bigger (and needed) clean ups or maintenance of the home. It's either tackle that sewing project I've been planning for 2 years or make dinner. Have a conversation with my kids or read the news online. Sit down with my hubby after the kids have gone to sleep, or organize the shed. I choose poorly and then I suffer. My home suffers and I feel anxious and uneasy. Because, I live in chaos. Decluttered chaos. Organized chaos. It's chaos.

I'm on a mission. I am going to de-itemize my home. I am going to give away, throw away, or sell a LOT! I don't know how much exactly, but all I know is that I will know, when I know, it is enough :)

I am going to get rid of things I love, I like and I probably will miss. It will hurt but I am determined.

I'm looking around now, and I see things I would hate to part from, but I have already made my decision to do it. A lot of energy is tied to items. Whether they are useful or not, they burden us. 

I encourage you to join me in de-itemizing-IN-December! Letting go, beyond the decluttering, beyond the organizing and labeling, letting go of the things around you. Become less, so He can become more in our lives. Lessen the things around you, even the beautiful things around you, so He can become more beautiful in your life.

More on De-Itemizing and De-cluttering HERE and HERE

Join me, this July 2014, on a 30 day de-itemizing challenge! Please share your experiences with me, I would love to hear!!!

Mothers, Daughters and Heavenly Father

Only a few days ago, I found myself deeply longing- soul wrenching longing for my mother. This kind of longing, is in fact unusual. Of course there are times I miss my mom, times when I miss her very much (right after giving birth, for example) but never have I felt this way, since becoming an adult.

We live in seperate continents, nevermind countries. I see her once a year, so far, which to most expats -that is good! She said goodbye to me and my family a few days ago (this post has been published late), and my heart sunk. Within, I curled up into a fetal position, holding onto her scent, her "being" and cried myself to sleep. But in reality, I kept on going, picking up after my kids, prepping for bedtime and for "tomorrow's lunch" etc. I swallowed my tears, until I couldn't anymore, and I gave my self a minute or two to straighten up and continued with my tasks. But, all I wanted to do, is push aside the responsibility, the load and become that daughter I once was. The daughter, I was once cared for, at home, by a mother.

I am a mother now.

Sometimes it's hard to shake off the "person you once were -reputation" and behave a certain way, from habit, with family, the way you used to. It's almost like, during family gatherings and visits, you subconciously taking the role you once unfortunately mastered in your family when you were a kid and growing up. I was a "hot head", in some ways I still am. But by God's grace and His strength and guidance, I no longer carry that sign above my head. A lady at church put it very wisely, "I used to live in my sin and acknowledge His Grace, but now I lvie in His Grace and acknowledge my sin".

How can the people within a family be so different, yet so alike? Doncha just hate it, when sometimes you open your mouth and your mother comes out!? SMILE! That WAS a joke, but so true isn't it?

Time flies, we get older, everyone around us grows older too. We do our things, get families, careers, attend and serve at church, surrender to and follow Christ. Yet, inside me, there is a little girl who misses the times she got rides from her dad on his bicycle to preschool, riding the bus with her mom on our way to the movies, and playing with her brothers in the sandbox, and the endless days and endless summer holidays that felt like forever. Now, time flies, I can barely grasp it. I just can't grasp it.

I have to believe that what God has in store for us, in Heaven, IS worth it all. Worth growing old, worth saying goodbyes, worth the diseases we fight, worth the tears we shed, worth everything we bare.. Heaven is and will be worth it all. This is a promise, I have to hold on to dear life.

My children, OUR children, are first God's before they were ever given to us. His love for them, is far greater than ours, multiplied, could ever be. His plans for them are perfect, regardless of how we feel about them (plans). Our parents are His children too. His plans for them, are perfect as well.

Faith comes by hearing, and hearing comes by reading. When trials and tribulations come, not IF, but WHEN they do...we need to be rooted fast in His Word, so that we may stand strong and carry the peace that surpasses ALL understanding. 

Senere Chaos and Other Updates

Well hello! It has been a very busy week with family visiting. How does one stay focused on blogging and a rhythm when so much extra and new buzzes are happening around you? I guess you just don't.

Anyway, my past week in weight loss has hit a plateau. I think I know what the reason may be and it will be fixed asap. NOT enough water! T'is true. I think?

I will put it to the test and let you know.

One thing I have learned this week, is that you DON'T have to taste everything everyone else is having. The second thing I have learned is that menu planning is still crucial and that there has to be a plan B, on what to eat, when you find yourself out and about and need to eat out. Be mentally prepared! I haven't been...

This week my weight has been the same but my clothes still keep getting looser, so, I think that it's just water retention.

You may like to read more on my weight loss #3 journey here:

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

Also, coming up I will share with all of you homeschoolers and fun mums about the coolest science/physics experiment, ever! Well, at least for this week!

Post Kids - "Getting Your Life Back"

I hear this often, "When will you get your life back?" "Will you have more kids?" Sometimes from people around me, but sometimes I hear it in my head. The question to me from others and the question to myself might look the same, but they are quite different. How?

After having our second child, I still lived like we had one. I was swamped, booked to the max in my calendar and chasing after time wasting stuff. I didn't realize that life should change a little bit to accommodate a new family member. Well, it should. However, I was determined to live like before,  carrying tons of guilt and I was at the very edge of having a melt down. I felt, then, that I couldn't give the people around me my time, and when I did give it, (out of guilt) it took away from my husband and my children and precious resting time. I think that a lot was expected from me, and that I brought it on myself by being a people pleaser.

Reading through my old prayer journal, my number one prayer a few years ago, was that I would get more time with my family and that I would learn how to be present. Well, after our big move away from a busy social life and 3 jobs, I finally got the opportunity to focus on what God taught me, and still is teaching me. 

At first, I wondered when I would make new friends and get "my life back" like it was, or similar to what it was before our move. Becoming pregnant with our third did not slow me down as much as we thought it would. I might've been less active, being sick and all, but the guilt that I carried (which activities we all should be involved in etc.) and my busy brain, still kept pushing ahead full speed.

I needed to, not only part from my life previously known, but to part from, well, nearly everything I made a habit out of. It was like LIFE spring cleaning. Out with the old, and little by little, after lots of  thought and prayer, in with the new. Bringing in what was really important and good. 

If this is the season for me to not make friends and not be active with the women's ministry, but completely serve my family, so be it. I have the perfect opportunity to make my surroundings my LIFE and my JOB, which I love. What am I here for? What could be a holier calling than to raise my children and mould mankind? It won't go to waste.

What from my life, then, do I want back that is so important? 

A few weeks ago, I realized that I'm just running myself into the ground by trying to do things with three kids, that I did with two kids. It's not going to happen and that is OK. If you struggle with guilt and high expectations of yourself, get rid of them and let go. I encourage you to take this step. It is very liberating and you will also gain so much more out of life by doing so.

I have more time now with three, than I did with two, and it is nice for my husband to not live life at 300 mph. He also feel comforted in the fact that the kids get their mother and the attention that they require and deserve, which is opposite to pulling them from one appointment to the next as baggage.

I would try to pack our days with everything possible, so I wouldn't miss life. What I was actually doing, was in fact, missing life. I went from overbooking to underbooking, from one extreme to another, because I was afraid of choosing the wrong thing (what ever that could be?), and ended up choosing nothing. This too, wasn't good. Where is the balance? What is worth doing and where do the standards come from?

I think we take more time to think about what to do nowadays, rather than just doing whatever and whenever we like. We have learnt to value our time, and to understand how positive the idea of "just being" is. Not necessarily doing anything or going anywhere, but just being together at home enjoying family time. Hearing, seeing and acknowledging each other, fully.

Full Quiver - Large Family

This post is about marital intimacy. I recommend that you do not read it, if you are not engaged to be married soon or married.

People around us often ask whether we are "done" with having kids. They ask this especially after they find out that we are parents of 3. To some folks, 3 is a lot, to others, it's not. We are living amongst the "a lot" kind of people... I'm generalising here, bare with me.

I could copy and paste great articles from "large family" blogs and explain why we are open for more kids but that would be copy and pasting, and not in my very OWN words. And there is MORE to it.

So here is our story, how we eventually ended up "wanting" more children after thinking 2-3 was a good number.

Before I begin with our brief summarised story about us, finding freedom after years of bondage in this area, here are some good questions and interesting comments we've got from family, friends and strangers. Please keep in mind, I am sharing our perspective, values and beliefs and I am not trying to impose this on other people. I hope you find encouragement and peace by reading our story. Comments are welcome.

1. Having kids is expensive! There is "research" and even books (holy moly) on how having children is expensive. I disagree, entirely. We believe that God has a set "bank account" for each child you have. This doesn't necessarily mean GAP clothes and all the hobbies one child and parent desire, but this for us means (and we have also lived to see) that ALL is provided for and we truly lack nothing. The provision came AFTER having each child. Looking back we can see how our income increased after each child was born. Not before, but after. God has asked us to trust Him in this area and we have not been disappointed! There are certain "luxuries" we don't have, such as owning a car and being able to shop for new clothes each month, but these are minor, very minor to what we have been blessed with. Our children. There are endless ways to cut costs if one is worried about the financial aspect of having kids. From cloth diapers to breastfeeding well, to living on primarily hand me down clothes. It all depends on what you feel is important to have, what are your priorities and values?
2. You won't get your life back if you keep having more kids. I am assuming that we are talking about the "life before kids" part. We never thought that having kids was just a side track or a rest zone for us away from our career. Or should I say, my career. As a stay at home mum and a homeschooler, I can't see myself returning to what I did prior to my kids. I was a stay-at-home mum, had 3 jobs and even studied Nutritional Therapy all at the same time, amongst other events which I led and participated in. However, THIS is my life now, for this SEASON of my life and I am looking forward to the new things, which this phase of my life brings. I am a mother. This is far more important to me than pursuing my career. I don't want to linger in the same season and place my whole life. This is my calling and I know that the things I used to do, I can do again, when the right time comes up. And IF I want to.
3. You won't be able to travel. Our family is scattered around the world, so it's important for us to be able to travel, often enough. Like I sort of mentioned previously, God IS our provider. He has and will provide for another plane fare. God knows our situation, our desires, needs and wants. He is quite generous, His economy is something else and I am not worried. We live on one average income for a family of 5 and are currently saving up for a trip to Cambodia. I want to encourage you to pray, trust and give this area to God. You won't be dissapointed.
4. We won't be able to accommodate you all when you visit, if you keep growing. That's okay, we'll book a hotel;-)! 
5. Your kids will be deprived. 1) emotionally and then 2) materially. 1) Yes the larger the family grows the less of one on one time we'll get. I believe that planning ahead and prioritising everyday will help in this area. We value family time, togetherness. I just have to make sure that each kid gets kisses and cuddles throughout the day and acknowledge them often. I'm not perfect and I have my bad days. However, the good, the miracles, the LIFE that is created and the good days out weigh the bad, hands down. God knows how many kids we can handle, I have to put my trust in Him. The kids do not stay young forever, they grow and we grow. Our life changes a bit to accommodate the next blessing we receive. That's normal. I do certain things differently with 3 kids than I did with 2, and that's okay. I still have to cook every day, so the fact is, whether it's a 1 litre pan I use or a 5 litre pan, it doesn't make a difference to me. 2) This is a matter of what each of us finds important and believes is important for our kids. It's not important for us that our kids get driven to one hobby after the other, and that they get the next trendy toy or snickers on the market. We value quality time and feeding their imagination, which can be playing sports together with friends and making kites out of plastic bags. Our two oldest do have hobbies, but to be honest, I might have to find hobbies in which all of our kids can attend at the same time, when and if we are blessed with more. And if it is suitable for us. I'm not worried and neither are they. What brings more to ones life, is it a soccer practise each week during childhood or is it a brother or sister for life? I believe that they'll be blessed in which ever direction they are called to go and if my eldest wants to be a professional Cricket player, so be it.
6. The world is over populated as it is. This is a myth, yes you read this correctly. A myth. ..."In fact, the entire population of the world could live in the state of Texas, in single-family dwellings with front and back yards"... Here is a great link to Family Planning 10 Great Reasons - some liberating insight! There's truth in it! 
7. You'll have 19 kids before you know it. Not everybody who is open for having as many children, get 19 kids. We know about the Duggars and the Bates with 19 kids each, but realistically how many families who are open to having more kids, have 19? Not many. I know several families who are open to let God decide their family size and they ended up having 6. Some have 5, some 10, some 12, some 16... who knows. Some have 1 and some couples find it very hard to conceive. We are all different. 
8. "I grew up in a large family and it was difficult!" Everybody has a different story, we are not all from the same mould.

Life is precious. Life is a miracle. Amazing...

Our Story

I am happy that both sets of my grandparents didn't stop having kids after 1, because if that would have been the case, I wouldn't have been here, neither my mother, or father and more amazing people, including my precious gifts -my children. Life is a gift, a precious gift. 

My husband and I decided once our first was born that 2 was a good number. I suffered from Hyper Emesis during my first pregnancy, so I was really O.K with that idea. Being pregnant was torture for me. We were on contraception and in "control". We lacked a "connection" in our love making and it wasn't until after our 3rd child was born that we realised what that lack was caused by. We discovered it in tears. More on that in a bit.

We decided that it would be a good time to start trying for our second child when our first was 2 years old. I suffered from Hyper Emesis again, but had a pretty good supportive network and managed through it, like I always do. After our second child was born, we were convicted in this area of marital intimacy, to let go of contraception (link to truth about birth-control), by my husband reading a great book on marital intimacy the way God intended it to be (Theology of the Body here by, Christopher West) and we then began with the Natural Family Planning method (NFP link here). 

Just before our second child turned 2, I went through a long burning desire to conceive. However, we chose not to pursue our 3rd pregnancy until our major move to another continent was complete. For some reason, we pretended to be able to foresee the future and what it would be like if I would've been pregnant during that move, prior and post. We assumed to know. We conceived soon after our move and we were expecting our 3rd. The pregnancy was terrible and hard to cope with. My husband having a new job and without the most compassionate boss, we really went through a rough patch. It must've been the second hardest pregnancy so far, unbelievable. During my final weeks of that pregnancy, my husband got promoted (and a new boss!) and we moved into a rental house, which took off enormous amounts of stress and worry. God provided. The birth once again, was a reminder of why we put ourselves through that "torture". The miracle child, the blessing, the gift in our arms, amazing! So worth it. I would go through that "torture" again and again, because the life that comes from it, is worth bearing. Of course, it's different to say it and to live it. It's hard, it really is. During my worst, I'm thinking I'm stupid to put myself through this again, how bonkers am I!? I am thankful for friends and remedies. 

Visit www.mymorningsickness.com for encouragement and ways to dodge morning sickness or to take the edge off. 

Right after the birth of our 3rd, my heart longed for this not to be "it". This amazing precious gem, in my arms, this sweet child of mine... I began to wonder, how many more of these little miracles could there be? When will my womb close? Will we ever regret  not having more kids...? Why is there a set time for child bearing and Who has the ultimate say? Not only that, but back to the "lack of connection" in our love making had a root, and thankfully a solution. 

Before, there was no freedom in our love making. There was some sort of barrier, there was pursuing self gratification and no openness to possibility of conception. I personally, as well as my husband, suffered from baggage from our past that we had brought into our marriage. I felt then, that marital love making was not much different from outside of marriage, but had to trust that it was "blessed", nevertheless because we were married. 

It was a really depressing time in my life and I felt very alone in my struggles, especially within the church. It seemed that since it was prayed over, and we were declared free from our past sin, we should've been able to go home and nooky-nooky with joy, as simple as that. I began to doubt my faith. We went through years of prayer, crying out to God, marriage counselling, and personal counselling to figure this thing out and get healing once and for all. How come I was ashamed, still, as a wife, blessed by God to make love to my husband? My husband is eye candy to me, don't get me wrong, I am so in love with him, I find him very attractive. But I couldn't engage with him in the bedroom. For years, I thought the problem was ME or MY history, or MY weight... but it was US. How come I wasn't healed from this, after so long? I even got comments from people close to me, on how I shouldn't dwell in the past sin, because I am new in Christ. Absolutely, but then why is there still a void? Intellectually I knew what was true, but my heart did not follow. Something was missing. 

Eventually, We decided to abstain from coming together for long periods of time, until proper healing took place. It wasn't easy, and a very difficult journey to commit to, but there was healing in that time which needed to take place before we could come together again. I longed for intimacy that was truly blessed by God. We knew that something wasn't right, if this is truly good, then how come it feels bad, and wrong? Where are we going wrong? 

Before coming to Christ, I lived a very promiscuous life. I met my husband during the final stages of my old self. But throughout our marriage, I really wanted to know what intimacy looked like, the way God designed it to be. We brought sex as we knew it from living in the world, before Christ, into our marriage, and then as new believers we realised it wasn't working. The way we unfortunately learned about sex, in the world, is NOT the way God intended it to be. Do you see the pieces coming together?

In the world, the focus is on one self. On self gratification, it's very lustful and just pursuing self pleasure. My prayer for the first 6 years of our marriage, was "God show me what love is meant to be, between him and I" It wasn't until the birth of our 3rd, when we realised that for me to be at ease and feel loved was by letting go of the "control". For us to have pure love making, meant that we needed to stop making it all about "me" or "us". Essentially, sex is very selfish. I get what I want, you get what you want and when we want it. The when I want it idea, especially comes in to play when thinking about conception. We had given up the idea of contraception which meant the chances of getting pregnant were high so therefor I felt pressured almost to be intimate when non fertile and just forget it when fertile. This made me feel even more used. There was no freedom to love each other freely. How can you, when all you are thinking about is yourself? What this often leads to is one or the other feeling like an object rather than desired or special. Where is the sacrifice, the submission, the love?

What we had realised therefor, is that to enjoy a blessed, pure and enjoyable intimacy, we needed to give up our control and really give ourselves to the other person. In the giving of ourselves to one another, we can experience the real meaning of the word 'love' in lovemaking. The other part to this is in giving up control, we are fully open to new life. Imagine making love that is free from everything.

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Reasons Why We Homeschool

Black Void

I have this black hole in my life. It started out small, maybe the size of a pin head. It gradually grew and as it did, I became more idle, immobile, guiltful, sad, and the more it grew the more I fed it. How do I feed the black hole? By being here. Yes, here, on the internet. To be more clear, on FB, on DailyMail, on other trashy "News Paper" sites and by accidentally coming across trash online.

I "quit" FB a few months ago. I still log in to check out the latest news and photos. FB has turned into a propaganda and Pinterest site. I scroll down the news feed and my eyes are exposed to everything. A picture of a starving child comes up with this: "like and share if you care, keep scrolling if you're don't!" Ugh,  I never feel good after my visit, yet I still visit. The DailyMail focuses on the negative and the evil of the world. It brings out the saddest and soul stirring news. I never feel good after I visit, yet I still visit. It's the curiosity that pulls me back in.

Our eyes are the windows to our souls. What we read and watch will feed our soul in one way or the other. EVERYTHING we read or watch WILL affect our soul and well being in one way or the other.

I have lived it. I am still living it. I chose to open up a tab and read the latest kak online. Sometimes, usually, more often than not, I come across the latest sad news on innocent children being hurt or killed by sick people. My heart and soul aches. The "well" written imagery on the ordeal creates images in my mind that are disturbing. Imagery, forever in my mind. I carry that.

In the same way, most of what is on TV, and its imagery is forever imprinted on my mind. Scary movies, (which I have not watched in years because my psyche can't handle it) vain and promiscuous shows. I carry that baggage. Baggage that is cancerous.

This builds up, or should I say It grows. My worry and disappointment grows. But the next day, I am at it again.

We don't have TV but I am still feeding my energy sucking void, by replacing it with the ones listed above.

Youtube is dangerous. I honestly believe that it has to be one of the most dangerous sites for anybody to be on, especially for kids. This is what I meant about "accidentally coming across trash online".

So I'm wide eyed following the latest gossip, show (youtube), tabloid and then after I've discharged(sucked out) my positivity and energy, I attend my precious gems. I am not present though. My mind lingers on what I've read, what I've seen and the after shocks. After shocks as in deep in thought, deep in worry, deep in compassion, and sadness I am not strong enough to carry. My children ask me questions, buzz around me, they talk... I nod, smile but I am not here. I've waisted my first hour of the day, surfing in trashy waves. How clean and fresh am I? How motivated and energized am I? Where is my focus?

Can you count the number of times you have logged back online to "check"? It's like going to the fridge again after 10 minutes from the previous time, again, to "check" if magically any food has appeared, only it is to check for news, latest news to only eventually see that it's all the same and time still passes by. Time you can never have back.

Not only that, but I have missed out on here and now, by being around but not being here. This poem called "Dear mom on the iPhone" is what I am talking about. Have I swapped being with my precious to being with the app? I don't want to, not anymore. Whether you are a parent or not, student or retired... where is your focus?

I know what the news tomorrow is, without even reading tomorrow's news, and I can tell you what it will be.

- NOT good.

Tomorrow's news is not good. Until the second coming of our Christ, Jesus, the news will always be filled with bad.

There IS good news though. Good News which will never change. regardless of what is happening around you, in your heart or in the world. Nothing we read on the news or see on TV can change the love story, the Truth that has been bestowed upon us. That good news is your life manual, the love story between God and YOU. The Bible.

Where is your focus? Can you put down your pinning on Pinterest, your daily sharing on FB and your logging in to your favourite gossip news site and focus on what really matters. Focus on the eternal? Focus on today, a gift?

Reasons Why We Homeschool

"Why do you guys homeschool?"  "Do your kids get to socialize?"  I get asked these questions often.Well, I get to answer them here!

4 years ago, S and I came to the conclusion that we wanted to homeschool. Little did we know, this was a very good decision, better than we initially thought. Here is a list of the reasons why we homeschool. (The list is not in priority order. )

1. Protection. Protection from peer pressure, bullying and foul language. 

Comment: You can't protect your kids in the real world, they will have to face it sooner or later.

Response: This is true, we can't protect them from the world, but we can train them and raise them, so that they come to know their own self value and worth, in Christ and stand a little stronger, when they are out there "alone". They don't have anyone telling them what trend to follow, what's uncool, what's in, who's out etc. If they curse, we know exactly WHO to blame. Ourselves. We have more opportunities throughout the day to spot times, where we can teach and train our kids.

2. Quality time during lessons.

1 on 1. We start our school doing grammar in our jammies, while I sip my morning coffee. Then chat about the day and about this and that, we spend time together.

Comment: Do your kids get 6 h of school a day?

Response: No. More like 2-3 hours. During 1 on 1, we move through our lessons faster. There aren't 30 pupils crying out for attention from one teacher and as a teacher, I can take my time and teach with undivided attention or time limits. However, homeschool can last all day and all evening too,  depending on what we are doing. Gardening, field trips, outdoor adventures, scavenger hunts in the woods can take time and we might finish the day with a little science or social studies. Very relaxed!

3. Take the time necessary. 

Our kids can develop at their own pace. If math is a challenge, we can invest time in it during school and not after school. If math is "easy", we can move onwards to the next grade levels.

4. Each to their own.

Our school day is structured according to our child's energy levels. Some days J might have a "bad day" and can't seem to focus well on his subjects, we can then do something else and come back to whatever we were working on later. There are no lost opportunities.

Comment: Shouldn't a child eventually have to learn how to work regardless of how he or she feels? You can't just not go to work when one is having a bad day. Welcome to the real world!

Response: These days, modern companies are actually using more flexible work systems and support the diversity of employees. Also, bare in mind that these are children. Their learning should be in a productive learning enviroment, fun and varied. If I child has had a restless night and is tired, it won't make or break his day, he won't get behind. Studies show that homeschooled kids learn 37% better than those who attend school outside of the home.

5. More variety of material and learning activities. 

We get to go on fieldtrips every day if we like! Everything we do, we look at it as "how can I teach/learn from this?" For example, posting a letter at the post office. We can spend an extra 15minutes discussing different airways, snail mail, air mail, cargo,...etc. How the letters find their way. Instead of merely reading how a seed grows from a book we can step outside, toil the soil and really understand the growing process. Hands on!

6. Biblical teaching. 

We believe that we are called to,

 ⁵ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Deuteronomy 6:5-9

New International Version (NIV)

How can we teach this, if the school is teaching against it? Who has more time to spend with your child during the day? What could be a more holy calling than to train and teach your kids, to invest in them, so that they can walk on the righteous path?

7. Family time. Building relationships within family. Strong bond. 

Comment: Shouldn't kids be able to explore and get out there to create new relationships?

Response: Yes and no. Absolutely they get to interact with other kids daily, but we also want to teach them that a family is a nations "back bone". It sorrows us that in many families, kids look for role models, friends and peers outside of the family rather than within. There is nothing "uncool" about your younger brother and that they can open up to us as parents rather than look for it elsewhere. Instead of looking for friends outside of the family (only), they can build close friendships with their siblings too.

8. Socializing. 

Our kids get to socialize with ALL age groups, not only with a classroom full of 6 year olds. 

Comment: Homeschooled children are socially inept.

Response: Absolutely not! This is a misconseption. Actually, they have better people skills than average. They can have a conversation with all age groups and feel relaxed enough to play with babies too. 

9. Sleep. This is a big one. 

Thank God, we have not had to drag them out of bed to rush them out the door to make it to school on time. Sleep is super important. The best thing about this, is that they are well rested and ready for school time. I feel for the parents who have to emergency it out the door in the mornings, rushing to make the bell.

Comment:  As they grow up they'll need to wake up to get to work, tired or not.

Response: Yes true, and here we have a great opportunity to teach them how valuable sleep is and how we musn't ever compromise. Each child demands different amount of sleep. For example, our middle child needs the most. She goes to sleep first and wakes up last.

Here is a great article on homeschool and sleep deprivation in public school pupils. https://www.aophomeschooling.com/blog/homeschoolers-get-more-sleep

10. Travel and teach anywhere! What freedom, such richness!

11. Control. 

We have more control over what and how our kids learn. We can again, take the time to invest in the best, in what suits our family best, what suits our kids best, individually. How can we be the main influence for our kids when we don't see them for 80% of the day?

Comment: Tight leash.

Response: Think of it as rather, a greenhouse. A place, safe haven where they can grow to become strong individuals in Christ. For example, being available to deal with issues (arguments, hurt feelings, math problems, etc.) instantly and not left unsolved or undealt with. We are their parents after all, and so yes, we keep a close watch.

12. Encouraging, praise and discipline appropiately. 

These days teachers have no authority over pupils in schools. Bad behaviour won't get overlooked.

13. Identification of talents and skills. 

Due to the fact that the learning is 1 on 1, it's easier to identify a natural talent for a particular subject or activity. But more than identification, homescooling gives parents the opprtunity to encourage the further developement of those talents. Sure, some talents may be picked up at school, but more often than not they are overlooked or sidelined and never really passed on to the parents.

14. Hierachy of subjects. 

The current system of education was developed for a time very different from today. At that time - industrial revolution - there was a dire need for further developent of reading, writing, and mathematics as most of the population would not have access to these types of activities. Society was lacking. Due to this, those subjects, reading, writing, mathematics and also the sciences were placed at a greater value than the arts for example. Today, in a very different world, this hierachy still exists and creativity is undervalued. For example, if you have a student with a real ear for music or a wonderful ability to move their body but is below average in maths they would be deemed still today, "stupid". With homeschooling, there is no such hierachy, you can place as much emphasis on the arts as sciences and allow a child's creativity to flourish.

Here is a very very interesting clip, by Sir Ken Robinson. Don't pass this opportunity, it will change the way you view life, forever. http://youtu.be/zDZFcDGpL4U