Black Void

I have this black hole in my life. It started out small, maybe the size of a pin head. It gradually grew and as it did, I became more idle, immobile, guiltful, sad, and the more it grew the more I fed it. How do I feed the black hole? By being here. Yes, here, on the internet. To be more clear, on FB, on DailyMail, on other trashy "News Paper" sites and by accidentally coming across trash online.

I "quit" FB a few months ago. I still log in to check out the latest news and photos. FB has turned into a propaganda and Pinterest site. I scroll down the news feed and my eyes are exposed to everything. A picture of a starving child comes up with this: "like and share if you care, keep scrolling if you're don't!" Ugh,  I never feel good after my visit, yet I still visit. The DailyMail focuses on the negative and the evil of the world. It brings out the saddest and soul stirring news. I never feel good after I visit, yet I still visit. It's the curiosity that pulls me back in.

Our eyes are the windows to our souls. What we read and watch will feed our soul in one way or the other. EVERYTHING we read or watch WILL affect our soul and well being in one way or the other.

I have lived it. I am still living it. I chose to open up a tab and read the latest kak online. Sometimes, usually, more often than not, I come across the latest sad news on innocent children being hurt or killed by sick people. My heart and soul aches. The "well" written imagery on the ordeal creates images in my mind that are disturbing. Imagery, forever in my mind. I carry that.

In the same way, most of what is on TV, and its imagery is forever imprinted on my mind. Scary movies, (which I have not watched in years because my psyche can't handle it) vain and promiscuous shows. I carry that baggage. Baggage that is cancerous.

This builds up, or should I say It grows. My worry and disappointment grows. But the next day, I am at it again.

We don't have TV but I am still feeding my energy sucking void, by replacing it with the ones listed above.

Youtube is dangerous. I honestly believe that it has to be one of the most dangerous sites for anybody to be on, especially for kids. This is what I meant about "accidentally coming across trash online".

So I'm wide eyed following the latest gossip, show (youtube), tabloid and then after I've discharged(sucked out) my positivity and energy, I attend my precious gems. I am not present though. My mind lingers on what I've read, what I've seen and the after shocks. After shocks as in deep in thought, deep in worry, deep in compassion, and sadness I am not strong enough to carry. My children ask me questions, buzz around me, they talk... I nod, smile but I am not here. I've waisted my first hour of the day, surfing in trashy waves. How clean and fresh am I? How motivated and energized am I? Where is my focus?

Can you count the number of times you have logged back online to "check"? It's like going to the fridge again after 10 minutes from the previous time, again, to "check" if magically any food has appeared, only it is to check for news, latest news to only eventually see that it's all the same and time still passes by. Time you can never have back.

Not only that, but I have missed out on here and now, by being around but not being here. This poem called "Dear mom on the iPhone" is what I am talking about. Have I swapped being with my precious to being with the app? I don't want to, not anymore. Whether you are a parent or not, student or retired... where is your focus?

I know what the news tomorrow is, without even reading tomorrow's news, and I can tell you what it will be.

- NOT good.

Tomorrow's news is not good. Until the second coming of our Christ, Jesus, the news will always be filled with bad.

There IS good news though. Good News which will never change. regardless of what is happening around you, in your heart or in the world. Nothing we read on the news or see on TV can change the love story, the Truth that has been bestowed upon us. That good news is your life manual, the love story between God and YOU. The Bible.

Where is your focus? Can you put down your pinning on Pinterest, your daily sharing on FB and your logging in to your favourite gossip news site and focus on what really matters. Focus on the eternal? Focus on today, a gift?


  1. I'm right there with you... I find that ending Facebook has helped me be offline a lot more. But this month, we're really taking the plunge. Our internet is super expensive and doesn't work well, so we'll be ending it now that the contract ends in May and taking a break from having internet at home. I'll write to you and let you know how it goes! :)

  2. Well written Cathy and what you write rings so true. Helen Lee.