The Struggle Is Real -2016

I know that women in developing countries have serious struggles of their own, but can you imagine what our struggles might look like in their eyes?

• Having to endlessly pick up after our kids around the house, I can't take it!
• You can't find your shoes, where are your socks??!
• I'm having to trip over stuff to get to where I am going!
• The sink is overflowing of dishes, again.
• This (food) is out of date, ugh!  my life is so hard!
• The laundry just keeps on piling, I can't keep up with it..:(
• Who left all of the books strewn all over the floor, -pick them up!!?
• It's been nonstop all day for me, I just need to take a bath.

I could go on and on with our "struggles" but the more I think about it, the more ashamed I am. Oh the guilt! So, I'm turning my shame into motivation to seriously purge my home.

I feel like I'm always purging my home. Is it just me or does anyone else seem to be donating boxes or bags of stuff after a huge purging episode?? I swear, the enemy knows my weaknesses. After 8 bags of purging, feeling that much lighter and free, someone brings me boxes of hand me downs of stuff. The hoarder within me, says "yeah, sure I'll have a look!" and guess what, EVERYTHING has potential. I should learn. If I can't see it, I won't miss it and even if I see it, I probably will not miss it. A fact.

How then do I de-itemize my home for good and is "for good" even a realistic expectation? Looking up at those struggles listed, could I swap those struggles for things that matter eternally? Let me break them down for us.

1. Having to endlessly pick up after our kids around the house, I can't take it! Our homes in westernized countries are so full of stufffffff. We think we need it, we hoard it, we save it, stack it, storage it and we keep accumulating more stuff. I cannot even wrap my head around the sum of $$ we would save, if we were not so easily swept away with things. The things we buy, we end up purging anyway sooner or later. The things we own, end up binding us, they end up owning us in one way or another. We lose precious time for instance, we become around the clock cleaners, maintainers, and hunters (hunts for the missing {insert here}!).. It robs us from time for ourselves, as mothers. Our kids go to bed and you have so much to prep for in order to survive the next day, and then you're done for the day. Would you not want to curl up and read your favourite book? Read those blog posts that you bookmarked for a quiet moment? Could this be your quiet moment, where you work on a project you've been thinking about for months? Does motherhood and you time have to be a balancing act? Can it not just be the journey you are on and there is no seperation of the two? How would it be, if instead of STRIVING, we could be THRIVING in the coming days? Would the shouts and arguments over toys scattered around the home be swapped into talks and cuddles and outdoor walks? What steps must we take, in today's society and the areas we live in to make this a reality? 
2. You can't find your shoes, where are your socks!? How many pairs of shoes does one child, never mind woman have? YES, there can be too many shoes. This is a nuisance in my home. My kids never seem to find their shoes, always one shoe missing. I see them trying to leave the house with sandals in the middle of winter, and it drives me bonkers! "Where are your shoes?!" How many pairs do kids need, as they are growing up fast anyway, and don't get a chance to enjoy them long enough? A few "shoe cultures" I admire are the Finnish and Koreans. Finns never walk inside the home with their shoes on and leave them beside the front door. Koreans always seem to take their shoes off in the most respectful way possible. Say what? Yes, have you ever seen anyone place their shoes away in such a symmetrical manner, I have! Koreans :) If I had the shoes I need, (which I actually have fewer than I "need"), my kids would live by example. If they had just the right amount of shoes for designated weather, they would be lost or mistreated, especially when you have multiple kids! I can't help but think of Little House On The Prairie, when the girls would cherish everything they had as it was gold. Their corn husk dolls, special laced up shoes.. polished, ready for school. Could we adapt that mentality? How can we, when we live in this society. how can we fight the strong winds of today's capitalism and pass that onto our children? I'm talking about shoes, but this goes for every piece of clothing.
3. I'm having to trip over stuff to get to where I am going! What would your life look like if you were not swayed by Walmart or Pinterest? Would you walk into a temple instead of a westernized, asthma risk house? Would our homes be a place of rest and worship? Would you be aware of your surroundings, instead of being drowned in visual noise? Picture this for a moment...What would your home look like? I have purged so much, yet I still have too much stuff I have a hard time parting with. I guess I don't have the answer for that, yet. Yet.
4. The sink is overflowing of dishes, again. Well, how many dishes do we need? Most of us have a dishwasher, how crazy is that. We tend to talk about how back in the day, they had house servants, and how we have to do everything by ourselves. Well, we have house servants too! We got a dishwasher, laundry machines, most of us have a coffee maker, fridge, the endless kitchen appliances - list yours! We even have a vacuum cleaner! How cool is that! A machine that sucks up dust and bits and good Lord, is that not a praise worthy privilege? Not to forget, the toilet! We have running water, electricity.. it's just mind blowing when I think of the stuff we have, yet we moan about our "load". Can you picture that the developing world mothers face, when she sees your list of "servants"? Embarrassing! Turning my shame into motivation-turning my shame into inspiration! What can we do, to own less dishes. Every dish has a story, a potential- how can we minimize our cupboards? Keep on purging, I know I'll get there! And, so will you!
5. This (food) is out of date, ugh!  my life is so hard! I read this thing on the "time-wasting-book" page once, "When I buy a lettuce, I usually bin it right away. Saves me doing it in a weeks time".. I chuckled, but it's so true! Not only do we have this gadget in the kitchen that keeps our food fresh, we forget about our food. We take the food for granted in some way or form. Take the time to look at this video below. I'm on a mission. I would like to go back to basics with 'food'. Simplify the ingredients and the source of food, so that it gets the respect it deserves. Genesis 1:29 and 2:9 and much much more... Read the THM Plan book!! HERE is my aff'link, check it out! (For those who do not know, this is the reason for my cleared up complexion! read about it HERE) 
6. The laundry just keeps on piling, I can't keep up with it..:( So my girlfriend and I were daydreaming about what our laundry piles would look like if all of our kids and us, had 2-4 sets of clothes. The loads would be smaller, and it would be a small load to carry (ha ha pun intended!). The kids wouldn't get bored, they're growing kids! The turn over would still happen, correct? And, we would always have something to wear! No longer would we have mismatch items, speaking gibberish to us. It would all make sense.
7. Who left all of the books strewn all over the floor, -pick them up!!? Sometimes I catch my kids using the books in their plays, as chairs or whatever. They're on the floor instead of where they belong. I hate the fact that the baby gets a book and manages to rip out a page or two. A lot of book mending going on in my home, it sorrows me. I love books. Books used to be irreplaceable. Now we get most of our information online. I would like to keep this art very much alive in my home. The smell of pages when you open the book, I love it! How can we, in today's tech savvy world, pass on these things to our kids? Put them behind locked doors, watch over them as they read -not in my house hold. Is this just a lazy-mother syndrome, or do you see where I am going with this? I cannot stand over them and watch them put away each book. Is there another way to pass on the value of books on to my kids?
8. It's been nonstop all day for me, I just need to take a bath.  What if we didn't have all the stuffff to do everyday that having a moment to yourself that gets interrupted, wasn't such a big deal after all? Get what I am saying?

Thoughts??? Please do share!

You should Quit Your Job!

Have you ever happened to have a rough day at work? Or even a whole week or even a whole season of hard times at work?? If your answer is 'YES'... then,

YOU SHOULD TOTALLY QUIT YOUR JOB! Seriously. Just quit!

Yeah well, if I told you that I get that advice at times, would you believe me? No really, I do.

I am a mother of 4. I homeschool 2 of them, grades K and 3. That means that I have a toddler and baby to take care of too. I also need to cook, clean and take care of my mental and physical health on top of the other million things that need doing. To top it off, my pregnancies can be quite testing to say the least, and I have been in situations at times where I've had to rely on other people's help. Yes, I've humbly asked or accepted a hand, to tackle my busy life.

I get a lot of advice and I hear a lot of opinions on how people think I should do things i.e. live life. When I've had a testing time in my life, as short as a hour or as long as a month (pregnancies for example), people tell me to give it up. They tell me we'd be better off putting our kids into school, stop having kids and to go get my life back (whatever that means???) To that I feel like saying,

-When the next tough time at work or in whatever you love to do happens, just give it up and quit! Life is supposed to be easy peasy all of the time, don't you know?? There are no trials, no testing, no growth, no negativity, no mistakes, and everything should be just great! If you don't have it good all of the time, you're obviously doing something wrong or don't know what you are doing, putting yourself into these situations... hello!

and that is what I feel like saying... but since I think before I speak type...

Okay, what I mean to say is that, life will always be hard at times in someway or another. We all have our trials, our bad days and we grow from them, we mature and we become more wise. We know the good days outnumber the bad by a zillion and we all make different choices in life, even though they may happen to have a hard journey to the destination and we may even have to ask and/or accept help to get there. Sometimes the journeys feel like they last forever! Hard work pays off. In my case, my pregnancies are hard, but they pay off, oh so well...

Children are a blessing, NOT a burden. My body might ache, my mind might be tired at times, well a lot perhaps, but my soul and heart leap for joy! Our children do not hinder our marriage but bring us closer together as a team, as husband and wife. 

This is my job. I am a mom. I homeschool them. I'm beat at the end of the day and cannot wait to put my feet up. There are days when I don't want to go to work, but I have to. There are days, I'm so tired, I moan about it and have a sour attitude about it, but it passes. There are times, I am so overwhelmed that I need to plug into the Word and prayer so that I can survive another hour... and I'd do anything for someone to just give me a hand. There are times I just want to scream... And it passes.

But guess what, I love my job. I love my calling. It's a holy calling. I love my family. Everyday I am taken aback by how blessed I am with all I have. I love teaching and spending time with my kids. I love watching them discover and grow. I love to menu plan and cook for them. I love taking them to activities and field trips. 

I love my job.

With or without kids, life can be testing.

"What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise" -Oscar Wilde

Pelvic Floor Update

Here is another cross post, a blog post written by me on my other pregnancy blog. I felt this is important to share with other mothers, especially if you've had multiple births, so please read!

Physio Update

A few weeks ago I wrote this 

..."I've been to see a physio, who specializes in women's pelvic floor (pre- and postnatal). I have homework I need to do daily to strengthen/maintain my pelvic floor during the rapid growth of the baby, help in birth and fast healing post birth. But mostly, I am doing them so I stop peeing myself every time a sneeze or have a coughing fit! I know, too much info, but I know -you know what I mean!

Daily Kegels workout:

30 x 5+sec squeezes with 10sec break in between. This takes about 8 minutes to do. 

30 x quick squeezes with 10sec break in between.

I've been trying to remember to do this everyday for two weeks, and so far I have already seen felt an improvement. I have got two more weeks to do these exercises until my next appointment.."...

Today I saw my physio for a quick follow up appointment, to see how things have progressed with my 'dilemma'.

Two weeks ago, I couldn't cough, sneeze or laugh (and at times with no reason) without "leakage". I was wearing a thin liner and had to change it 2-3 x a day. I know I was 22 weeks pregnant, but this was alarming and I needed to seek professional help. 

There was no way that I, age 31 (or ever) had to be in such a weak state, where there was no connection with my mind and body, in such a way. All I can say that I am happy that I went and paid that money to see the specialist physio.

Here is where I was

• leakage, pad change 2-3 x a day
• pregnancy week 22
• waking up at night to visit the wc
• couldn't laugh, sneeze, or cough without leakage
• couldn't hold a kegel for more than 4 seconds

2 weeks later with these exercises

Here I am today

• No leakage, haven't worn a pad for 1 1/2 weeks
• pregnancy week 24
• no night time bathroom visits
• laughing, sneezing and coughing without leakage
• I can hold a kegel for more than 10 seconds

I cannot believe how fast this change took place and that it's not rocket science, as my physio puts it! Simple, simple exercises that don't make you sweat, don't take up too much time, can be done anytime and anywhere -has done so much in such little time frame.

My exercises have moved on to new ones, which I will be doing throughout my pregnancy and also after birth. I have a follow up appointment 2 months after birth to see what needs doing regarding my pelvis alignment etc.

Ladies, I urge you! Get sorted before it's super hard or too late!

Mini testimonials welcome, leave a comment!

Managing Your Home Part 3

A little while ago I wrote this:

..."Organizing your home is quite the task. It takes a super mom to herd her little monkeys and get everyone and her home in order at all times. This, however is unrealistic and will only bring frustration and disappointment to those mothers who thrive on this.

But there is hope for us all, even for me as I write this in the midst of a chaotic moment in my home. I write down lists for my kids of chores that need to be completed before we begin our day. "Build the home, before we play in it" is somewhat what we are after. Well, I have my eldest back chatting and rebelling, my daughter in cloud 9 dreaming of butterflies and singing, and my littlest one, causing havoc as she trots along. Not the haven, I was hoping for.

I put KLOVE on for motivational music, to help us focus and plug in, only to find out it's just adding to the chaos. I really am starting to feel hopeless now, how does anyone teach their children to contribute to the family life"...

And now, finally! 

We're done scheduling for now! It took some time, figuring it all out because no day in the week is the same for us. But we're done for now. We're on trial mode right now, just to see how well the master schedule will work out and I already have a feeling, that I'll be doing a few minor changes here and there, but all in all, I'll say it again - We're I'm DONE!

Here's an example of a day during our week. Oh yes, I went to dollar store and purchased 7 frames and some magnetic strip to minimize our fridge clutter. It looks nicer...

I've noticed better behavior in the kids and especially in me, holy moly, less of that tensed up wicked witchiness! The kids have been back chatting less, and it seems that they cannot argue with a schedule on the wall, but they can argue with me. If it's written, it goes and I've noticed an attitude change in them, I really have.

We get bible time each morning, and it can last from 15 to 30 minutes. I'm using this book with them, and we're enjoying it. The kids sit still, even our youngest who is 2 and these lessons lead to some deep conversations and it has really helped us bond. It gives a good start to the mornings and focuses our attention to the one who gives us time. Jesus. 

I must admit, I'm more flexible than maybe some other mothers are, using this method, and it's ok. Sometimes we decide to do other stuff instead of what's on the list, however, I've still noticed that everything gets done and we have plenty of rest too. It takes practice and consistency to create a new habit, a new schedule. We'll get there, I know it!

Another thing I have noticed is that the kids argue and bicker less. One, they don't get too bored and end up in each others faces, and two, I have the time to teach and take the time to guide them when I see a problem arising. I also believe that our bible time in the mornings places our hearts in a way that our minds are tuned with doing what is right. This is my opinion.

One thing I like about colour coding the schedule is, that my middle child doesn't yet know how to read, but by knowing the theme of the colours, she memorizes them quickly.

More on Organizing your home and scheduling HERE!

More on Fun With Kids HERE

More on Managing Your Home HERE

What are your tricks for keeping on top of things, or semi? :)

Why I'm Scrapping Scrapbooking

I am quitting scrapbooking for good. 

 

Why? Well here are a few reasons why I have FINALLY decided to scrap it.

• Can't keep up with filing life
• Carrying too much guilt
• Not finding the time to scrapbook
• It won't last
• Going back to basics

I just don't have the time or the desire anymore to record every single thing in my or my kids' lives. It take a lot of time and in some ways, like FB, it is "unnatural" to do so. In my opinion.

I carry a lot of guilt from not completing the 1st years, nevermind the pregnancy albums, of my first two kids and now we have 3 kids and I am like 7 years behind in scrapbooking our life. I free myself from the dissolution of needing to scrapbook our life. I'm free.

I don't have the time to scrapbook. I homeschool, I'm a full time stay at home (super busy!!!) mom. I don't have the time to take my stuff out, lay them out and give my time to it. I just don't.

This too, is a trend. This too, will pass.

What happened to the good old photo albums? Or simple black albums using adhesive photo corner stickers? Why does each picture deserve a decorative page? I'm going back to old school. I still enjoy looking at pictures without the "parade".

I am FREE of guilt that unfortunately ScrapBooking has given me. Now, to all my scrapbooking friends, you know who you are! I still love you dearly and enjoyed every second of scrapbooking with you. If it's a way of meditation and a fun hobby for you, don't quit. This is personal.

Preparing For Possible Hyperemesis Gravidarum

Okay, some of you know that through all of my 3 pregnancies, I suffered from Hyperemesis Gravidadum, a.k.a "sick all of the time, vomiting all of the time". My "easiest" pregnancy was with my second child, which was very, very hard, but not so severe, did not need to go to the hospital for IV's and such.

My first was bad, hospitalized and to top it off, severe cystic acne (another story for later). But I must say, freshest in the memory is my third, it was the toughest. No preparation, no planning, no support group, it all makes a difference.We had just moved continents and even though she was planned, my husband landed a job sooner than expected (not complaining!!) and I found myself isolated with two kids under 5, severely sick and no support. We did manage though, praise God, but it was a really hard time and it shook us both to the core.

So as my husband and I are open for more children, we want to make sure now, that we plan and prep as far ahead of time as we can, and then leave the rest up to God. I want to share with you, who suffer from moderate to severe "morning" sickness, about the ways to alleviate and make your ride more manageable. 

Here is a site with loads of info and help for those who suffer badly. My Morning Sickness

I bought the E-book, printed it out, put it in a binder and have been mentally preparing myself for what is (or may not, -still living in hope!) to come. Only recently have I began to make a list of what needs to be done as soon as possible. You just never know. This is how I prepare for my pregnancies.

Before the positive pregnancy test:

• Start eating healthy, and drinking plenty of water
• Eat multivitamins and all the essential supplements for a good start
• Exercise regularly
• Make meals before hand and freeze them (20-30 meals pref)
• Search for a second hand mini fridge - The times I feel so ill, that I cannot even sit up, this will come in handy. I can have all the ice and snacks right next to our bed.
• Stock up on remedies, Nux Vomica (homeopathic), Milk Thistle, Sea(relief)Bands, Lemongrass Oil, Preggie Pops, Ice, Ice, and crushed Ice!
• we don't just de-clutter but de-itemize our home
• we home school, so I have to make easy to follow lesson plans

After the confirmation:

• Pray, pray, pray! Keep your focus on Him!
• Find a pregnancy support group online, and from church
• Hubby will build a foot board for bed. Keeping my feet secured and anchored, keeps me semi stable. It works! Once my feet are off the ground or surface, I began feeling really queasy. I spend a lot of time in bed, so it's important to have this foot board available.
• Make lemongrass and beeswax candles for aromatherapy
• Buy chewable vitamins
• make ice teas, and ice cubes from red raspberry leaf tea, lemon juice and nettle tea

During the (possible) rough ride:

• hire a doula for extra support. It can be a very depressing and a discouraging beginning but having a doula makes all the difference, if you live in the Vancouver area,  I recommend Mother Nurture Doula Services
• let your church women's ministry know and ask/accept the help.
• Hire a babysitter for a few hours so you can rest, or you and your husband can just chill without leaving your home. This is money well spent.
• Take this as a guilt free "quiet season". Don't feel bad if you cannot keep up with the things you used to do. 
• Read Christ Centered Childbirth as many times as you can. I love this book! As bad as my pregnancies were, my births were bliss!! This book helped me to surrender my mind, heart and body and focus the right way and I, believe it or not, gave birth with ease. I really recommend this book!

Answer me this, and by doing so you have a chance to win the Christ Centered Childbirth OR My Morning Sickness Handbook! Q. what methods do you use to get through your pregnancy sickness? Comment with your answer and your preferred book. Your chance to win ends January 15th, 2014. Winner will be informed privately.

I hope this encourages you.

The Big Fat BLAH!!!

Blah! Ugh! SIGH

The accumulated half empty shampoo bottles that clutter your shower and bath. The  pumpkins, from last Halloween, that are rotting on your front porch and strewn all over your lawn from a little soccer moment by the kids. The garbage from "that reno", sitting in your car port for everyone to see, that still is waiting to be driven to the dump. The dead bees from last summer that died on your window ledge are still there. The tightness of your clothes that discourage you and create self loathing. The hungry kids who want food now, and your kitchen surfaces that are full of piles of random things and papers that need organizing. BLAH! UGH! AAAAAAARGH!!!! The feeling of seeing your tidy home sanctum, become a messy-crummy-bitty-mess in matter of minutes and you get a unexpected visit at that very same moment. 

I have blogged about decluttering before. Many times. Today, I'm going to blog about de-itemizing your life. I think I just came up with that word. Yes, de-itemizing.

I have decluttered my home so many times, that I am beginning to realize that the problem lies in something else. How on earth, after decluttering a zillion times, do I feel like my head is still caving in, and my anxiety is still ticking within? What's bothering me? Why can't my soul rest? Each item that I have decide to keep I can really make use of. I'm seriously not a hoarder (denial kicking in!!), so I know whether I need it or don't. Usually my mottos are, "if in doubt, throw it out" and "if I have not used it within 12 months, I won't", and "if I need one, I'll just borrow one, or buy one then" etc. So, I know (think) that the stuff I have in my home is there to serve us. Yes, true.

So what if I really can find use for them, which would impact us in a positive way or impact someone else in a positive way. I'm sure these are great things, good things and practical things. We "need" them. 

However, if our house burnt down tomorrow, I wouldn't remember 80% of the things that we have in our home. I'd probably not remember 80% of the kids books, the stack of "tape and fix" kids books, half of our seasonal candle holders, half of our clothes, 75% of the things that are in our bathroom cabinet, probably all of the sheets tucked in a cupboard... all of those wires and gadgets, craft ribbon, baskets, jewellery,  nicknacks, bits and bobs.. and so on....sigh.

But why is it so hard to give these items up? Because my brain has been coded in a certain way.

I see a potential gift. I see a good opportunity for a family activity. I see a good homeschooling class. I see visitors. I see future recipes. I see quality time. I see a great sewing project, a rejuvenated living room. I see a hand written letter. I see a picture collage, a scrapbooking event. I see hospitality, a dinner party. I see a birthday. I see time to enjoy my family. But my time is limited. I don't have the time to experience these desires and ideas. I am a mom of small kids and my time is so sparse. 

I see rotting pumpkins and dirty skirting boards because I am too busy to do anything about them. I have decluttered yes, but I have not simplified my life truly. I am not talking about the other blogs that encourage a "10 steps to a simplified life", I'm talking about a complete freedom from the grasp of the way of the world. Is it possible?

There are so many beautiful things out there. There are so many inspiring and motivating craft ideas, clothing trends, sewing projects, bathroom ideas, books-books-books, party ideas, recipes, new gadgets, and lots of incredible and intriguing things. I cannot seem to walk into Walmart without buying something "which happens to be the coolest thing that day" and another addition to my "fun things to do" list. These beautiful things are actually robbing me, they are robbing my family and the time I have with my Lord. I can't fully create, I can't fully be present for my family, and I can't fully do a thorough job at home. Even though I have not done any of the 3 previously mentioned, I feel torn between them all and I freeze. I choose nothing. I watch my house become a mess, I see the dishes pile on top of an empty dishwasher, I did the minimal in teaching science lesson today, I see the organized craft projects on the shelf that I don't know how long it'll be before I can make them (maybe years?!). I basically freeze. My mind races, my ideas accumulate, I day dream. The home gets messy, my mind gets messy, the bathroom is messy, I trip on a toy and it sets me off. I'm shouting at the kids, I am yelling at the top of my lungs "GOD HELP ME!!!! I NEED YOU NOW, I CAN'T DO IT!" I don't want to be an angry mom that just drones on. On top of that, my nick name to myself had become "Comet".. I give a 100% on every project and new idea, diets, tradition etc..and it fades away in 2 weeks or so... on to the next new thing....and again, I go up and I go down....-Comet.

On top of managing the basics of the day, and as a homeschooling mom, I really don't have much time to tackle my ideas listed above or the time do bigger (and needed) clean ups or maintenance of the home. It's either tackle that sewing project I've been planning for 2 years or make dinner. Have a conversation with my kids or read the news online. Sit down with my hubby after the kids have gone to sleep, or organize the shed. I choose poorly and then I suffer. My home suffers and I feel anxious and uneasy. Because, I live in chaos. Decluttered chaos. Organized chaos. It's chaos.

I'm on a mission. I am going to de-itemize my home. I am going to give away, throw away, or sell a LOT! I don't know how much exactly, but all I know is that I will know, when I know, it is enough :)

I am going to get rid of things I love, I like and I probably will miss. It will hurt but I am determined.

I'm looking around now, and I see things I would hate to part from, but I have already made my decision to do it. A lot of energy is tied to items. Whether they are useful or not, they burden us. 

I encourage you to join me in de-itemizing-IN-December! Letting go, beyond the decluttering, beyond the organizing and labeling, letting go of the things around you. Become less, so He can become more in our lives. Lessen the things around you, even the beautiful things around you, so He can become more beautiful in your life.

More on De-Itemizing and De-cluttering HERE and HERE

Join me, this July 2014, on a 30 day de-itemizing challenge! Please share your experiences with me, I would love to hear!!!

Mothers, Daughters and Heavenly Father

Only a few days ago, I found myself deeply longing- soul wrenching longing for my mother. This kind of longing, is in fact unusual. Of course there are times I miss my mom, times when I miss her very much (right after giving birth, for example) but never have I felt this way, since becoming an adult.

We live in seperate continents, nevermind countries. I see her once a year, so far, which to most expats -that is good! She said goodbye to me and my family a few days ago (this post has been published late), and my heart sunk. Within, I curled up into a fetal position, holding onto her scent, her "being" and cried myself to sleep. But in reality, I kept on going, picking up after my kids, prepping for bedtime and for "tomorrow's lunch" etc. I swallowed my tears, until I couldn't anymore, and I gave my self a minute or two to straighten up and continued with my tasks. But, all I wanted to do, is push aside the responsibility, the load and become that daughter I once was. The daughter, I was once cared for, at home, by a mother.

I am a mother now.

Sometimes it's hard to shake off the "person you once were -reputation" and behave a certain way, from habit, with family, the way you used to. It's almost like, during family gatherings and visits, you subconciously taking the role you once unfortunately mastered in your family when you were a kid and growing up. I was a "hot head", in some ways I still am. But by God's grace and His strength and guidance, I no longer carry that sign above my head. A lady at church put it very wisely, "I used to live in my sin and acknowledge His Grace, but now I lvie in His Grace and acknowledge my sin".

How can the people within a family be so different, yet so alike? Doncha just hate it, when sometimes you open your mouth and your mother comes out!? SMILE! That WAS a joke, but so true isn't it?

Time flies, we get older, everyone around us grows older too. We do our things, get families, careers, attend and serve at church, surrender to and follow Christ. Yet, inside me, there is a little girl who misses the times she got rides from her dad on his bicycle to preschool, riding the bus with her mom on our way to the movies, and playing with her brothers in the sandbox, and the endless days and endless summer holidays that felt like forever. Now, time flies, I can barely grasp it. I just can't grasp it.

I have to believe that what God has in store for us, in Heaven, IS worth it all. Worth growing old, worth saying goodbyes, worth the diseases we fight, worth the tears we shed, worth everything we bare.. Heaven is and will be worth it all. This is a promise, I have to hold on to dear life.

My children, OUR children, are first God's before they were ever given to us. His love for them, is far greater than ours, multiplied, could ever be. His plans for them are perfect, regardless of how we feel about them (plans). Our parents are His children too. His plans for them, are perfect as well.

Faith comes by hearing, and hearing comes by reading. When trials and tribulations come, not IF, but WHEN they do...we need to be rooted fast in His Word, so that we may stand strong and carry the peace that surpasses ALL understanding. 

I'm Alive and Well!

It has been quite the month! It's still quite the month. I find myself in a crazy state and I can't quite put my finger on it. I found myself swallowing back tears today, while sitting in a massage chair, studying lesson 19, in my Mandarin Chinese course. Maybe it is all rolled into one:

My mum's visiting. What is about mother-daughter relationships!? Why are they so bizarre?? Time flies, I wish we lived a bit closer. I wish I had more time with her. One day.

The school year has started and I am homeschooling my kids, grade 2 and preschool with a toddler running around my feet. This will be a challenge, but a challenge I am ready to take. It feels a bit overwhelming, but not hopeless. I am hopeful.

I'm missing my friends. Longing for bosom friend(s).

My weight has gone down, but I haven't hit the gym in a month and my eating has not gone to plan due to a tonsillectomy, which I still have not fully recovered from. Depressing.

I was 205 lbs

I am 173 lbs

=

-32 lbs, 

and 28 lbs to go! Yay! 

Excuse the tired eyes.

More on my weight loss here!

My 30

Last month I turned 30. I was reading through one of my weekly reads, Imperfect Homemaking blog, where I got inspired to write 30 things I have learned over the years. So here it is, my 30 things, I have learned.

1. Everyone has an opinion on child care and how to raise kids. You can let 85% of that flow out the other ear.
2. Food matters. You are either working for or against your body and, you are responsible for what goes in your kids' mouths too.
3. Children are a blessing from the Lord. Psalm 127
4. "We spend our lives dreaming of the future, not realizing that a little of it slips away every day" -B.J
5. God created each plant for a purpose. Gen.1:29
6. Fast food and seedless fruit/vegg are, in fact, from the devil! Ha ha
7. I can't keep my home constantly tidy with 3 kids, 7 and under, without missing out on life.
8. Cooking takes a lot of time away from family. Our meals are a combination of fresh and quickly cooked food. No fuss.
9. Exercise is so important. Our bodies yearn for movement and fresh air.
10. STOTT Pilates is a really great form of daily physical activity.
11. My scrapbooking might have to wait. And, my other projects too.
12. My style, "Jane Austen meets Bollywood" in fact is, simply, "bohemian".
13. His Grace is New Every Single Day.
14. Divorce is not an option and by believing that, makes us work harder towards a stronger marriage.
15. Taking loans and borrowing money, is not biblical and does more harm than good. We can live a debt and loan free life and we are! It's so liberating!
16. Refined sugar is bad, if not, evil.
17. There are thousands of things to be grateful for, as corny as it sounds, there are. Truly.
18. When God's behind it, it is possible.
19. Most things we own are baggage.
20. I love minimalism. Hard to imagine, with a bohemian like.
21. While traveling, it's not detrimental if a child doesn't stick to a certain rhythm.
22. There is great freedom in letting go and not trying to be in control of everything.
23. It is far more important to be godly than goodly.
24. I am a TCK (Third Culture Kid) and my kids are too. I have peace with that.
25. It takes two to tango. 
26. I love growing my own vegetables and I see it as an act of worship and a way to meditate.
27. I love to homeschool and it feels the most natural way.
28. With God's help, I could overcome my biggest fear of moving away from my parents. Not just down the street, but across continents!
29. Simplicity of life is something I value, i.e writing hand written letters rather than emails.
30. The old educational system was wrong. I am not stupid. I'm a Swiss Army Knife. 'Nuff said.  

Diastasis Recti

DIASTASIS RECTI 

It means abdominal separation. In pregnancy, diastasis recti is caused by the stretching of the rectus abdominis by the enlarging womb. It’s more common in women who have had more pregnancies, due to repeated episodes of stretching. Basically the left and right sides of your abs (rectus abdominis) aren't joined together anymore.

This is what it looks like,

Like I would be 5 months pregnant, always. (11months since our 3rd child was born and do note, she was 11lb when she came out!)

Is it "curable"?

There are a few different methods to deal with it, two which I know of and recommend if need be, are one, surgery and two, STOTT Pilates. Surgery maybe for those who have it "severe", and STOTT Pilates for everybody! 

I pulled my back for the 2nd time since our 3rd baby was born yesterday and today someone asked me if we were expecting our 4th. Oh man, it's time to tackle my core and get some support, literally.

As a STOTT Pilates instructor, I'm going to go the STOTT Pilates route and, I will be blogging updates with pictures!!  Stay tuned!

Find out more about the STOTT Pilates method HERE

and find out more about my weightloss #3 HERE

Post Kids - "Getting Your Life Back"

I hear this often, "When will you get your life back?" "Will you have more kids?" Sometimes from people around me, but sometimes I hear it in my head. The question to me from others and the question to myself might look the same, but they are quite different. How?

After having our second child, I still lived like we had one. I was swamped, booked to the max in my calendar and chasing after time wasting stuff. I didn't realize that life should change a little bit to accommodate a new family member. Well, it should. However, I was determined to live like before,  carrying tons of guilt and I was at the very edge of having a melt down. I felt, then, that I couldn't give the people around me my time, and when I did give it, (out of guilt) it took away from my husband and my children and precious resting time. I think that a lot was expected from me, and that I brought it on myself by being a people pleaser.

Reading through my old prayer journal, my number one prayer a few years ago, was that I would get more time with my family and that I would learn how to be present. Well, after our big move away from a busy social life and 3 jobs, I finally got the opportunity to focus on what God taught me, and still is teaching me. 

At first, I wondered when I would make new friends and get "my life back" like it was, or similar to what it was before our move. Becoming pregnant with our third did not slow me down as much as we thought it would. I might've been less active, being sick and all, but the guilt that I carried (which activities we all should be involved in etc.) and my busy brain, still kept pushing ahead full speed.

I needed to, not only part from my life previously known, but to part from, well, nearly everything I made a habit out of. It was like LIFE spring cleaning. Out with the old, and little by little, after lots of  thought and prayer, in with the new. Bringing in what was really important and good. 

If this is the season for me to not make friends and not be active with the women's ministry, but completely serve my family, so be it. I have the perfect opportunity to make my surroundings my LIFE and my JOB, which I love. What am I here for? What could be a holier calling than to raise my children and mould mankind? It won't go to waste.

What from my life, then, do I want back that is so important? 

A few weeks ago, I realized that I'm just running myself into the ground by trying to do things with three kids, that I did with two kids. It's not going to happen and that is OK. If you struggle with guilt and high expectations of yourself, get rid of them and let go. I encourage you to take this step. It is very liberating and you will also gain so much more out of life by doing so.

I have more time now with three, than I did with two, and it is nice for my husband to not live life at 300 mph. He also feel comforted in the fact that the kids get their mother and the attention that they require and deserve, which is opposite to pulling them from one appointment to the next as baggage.

I would try to pack our days with everything possible, so I wouldn't miss life. What I was actually doing, was in fact, missing life. I went from overbooking to underbooking, from one extreme to another, because I was afraid of choosing the wrong thing (what ever that could be?), and ended up choosing nothing. This too, wasn't good. Where is the balance? What is worth doing and where do the standards come from?

I think we take more time to think about what to do nowadays, rather than just doing whatever and whenever we like. We have learnt to value our time, and to understand how positive the idea of "just being" is. Not necessarily doing anything or going anywhere, but just being together at home enjoying family time. Hearing, seeing and acknowledging each other, fully.

Full Quiver - Large Family

This post is about marital intimacy. I recommend that you do not read it, if you are not engaged to be married soon or married.

People around us often ask whether we are "done" with having kids. They ask this especially after they find out that we are parents of 3. To some folks, 3 is a lot, to others, it's not. We are living amongst the "a lot" kind of people... I'm generalising here, bare with me.

I could copy and paste great articles from "large family" blogs and explain why we are open for more kids but that would be copy and pasting, and not in my very OWN words. And there is MORE to it.

So here is our story, how we eventually ended up "wanting" more children after thinking 2-3 was a good number.

Before I begin with our brief summarised story about us, finding freedom after years of bondage in this area, here are some good questions and interesting comments we've got from family, friends and strangers. Please keep in mind, I am sharing our perspective, values and beliefs and I am not trying to impose this on other people. I hope you find encouragement and peace by reading our story. Comments are welcome.

1. Having kids is expensive! There is "research" and even books (holy moly) on how having children is expensive. I disagree, entirely. We believe that God has a set "bank account" for each child you have. This doesn't necessarily mean GAP clothes and all the hobbies one child and parent desire, but this for us means (and we have also lived to see) that ALL is provided for and we truly lack nothing. The provision came AFTER having each child. Looking back we can see how our income increased after each child was born. Not before, but after. God has asked us to trust Him in this area and we have not been disappointed! There are certain "luxuries" we don't have, such as owning a car and being able to shop for new clothes each month, but these are minor, very minor to what we have been blessed with. Our children. There are endless ways to cut costs if one is worried about the financial aspect of having kids. From cloth diapers to breastfeeding well, to living on primarily hand me down clothes. It all depends on what you feel is important to have, what are your priorities and values?
2. You won't get your life back if you keep having more kids. I am assuming that we are talking about the "life before kids" part. We never thought that having kids was just a side track or a rest zone for us away from our career. Or should I say, my career. As a stay at home mum and a homeschooler, I can't see myself returning to what I did prior to my kids. I was a stay-at-home mum, had 3 jobs and even studied Nutritional Therapy all at the same time, amongst other events which I led and participated in. However, THIS is my life now, for this SEASON of my life and I am looking forward to the new things, which this phase of my life brings. I am a mother. This is far more important to me than pursuing my career. I don't want to linger in the same season and place my whole life. This is my calling and I know that the things I used to do, I can do again, when the right time comes up. And IF I want to.
3. You won't be able to travel. Our family is scattered around the world, so it's important for us to be able to travel, often enough. Like I sort of mentioned previously, God IS our provider. He has and will provide for another plane fare. God knows our situation, our desires, needs and wants. He is quite generous, His economy is something else and I am not worried. We live on one average income for a family of 5 and are currently saving up for a trip to Cambodia. I want to encourage you to pray, trust and give this area to God. You won't be dissapointed.
4. We won't be able to accommodate you all when you visit, if you keep growing. That's okay, we'll book a hotel;-)! 
5. Your kids will be deprived. 1) emotionally and then 2) materially. 1) Yes the larger the family grows the less of one on one time we'll get. I believe that planning ahead and prioritising everyday will help in this area. We value family time, togetherness. I just have to make sure that each kid gets kisses and cuddles throughout the day and acknowledge them often. I'm not perfect and I have my bad days. However, the good, the miracles, the LIFE that is created and the good days out weigh the bad, hands down. God knows how many kids we can handle, I have to put my trust in Him. The kids do not stay young forever, they grow and we grow. Our life changes a bit to accommodate the next blessing we receive. That's normal. I do certain things differently with 3 kids than I did with 2, and that's okay. I still have to cook every day, so the fact is, whether it's a 1 litre pan I use or a 5 litre pan, it doesn't make a difference to me. 2) This is a matter of what each of us finds important and believes is important for our kids. It's not important for us that our kids get driven to one hobby after the other, and that they get the next trendy toy or snickers on the market. We value quality time and feeding their imagination, which can be playing sports together with friends and making kites out of plastic bags. Our two oldest do have hobbies, but to be honest, I might have to find hobbies in which all of our kids can attend at the same time, when and if we are blessed with more. And if it is suitable for us. I'm not worried and neither are they. What brings more to ones life, is it a soccer practise each week during childhood or is it a brother or sister for life? I believe that they'll be blessed in which ever direction they are called to go and if my eldest wants to be a professional Cricket player, so be it.
6. The world is over populated as it is. This is a myth, yes you read this correctly. A myth. ..."In fact, the entire population of the world could live in the state of Texas, in single-family dwellings with front and back yards"... Here is a great link to Family Planning 10 Great Reasons - some liberating insight! There's truth in it! 
7. You'll have 19 kids before you know it. Not everybody who is open for having as many children, get 19 kids. We know about the Duggars and the Bates with 19 kids each, but realistically how many families who are open to having more kids, have 19? Not many. I know several families who are open to let God decide their family size and they ended up having 6. Some have 5, some 10, some 12, some 16... who knows. Some have 1 and some couples find it very hard to conceive. We are all different. 
8. "I grew up in a large family and it was difficult!" Everybody has a different story, we are not all from the same mould.

Life is precious. Life is a miracle. Amazing...

Our Story

I am happy that both sets of my grandparents didn't stop having kids after 1, because if that would have been the case, I wouldn't have been here, neither my mother, or father and more amazing people, including my precious gifts -my children. Life is a gift, a precious gift. 

My husband and I decided once our first was born that 2 was a good number. I suffered from Hyper Emesis during my first pregnancy, so I was really O.K with that idea. Being pregnant was torture for me. We were on contraception and in "control". We lacked a "connection" in our love making and it wasn't until after our 3rd child was born that we realised what that lack was caused by. We discovered it in tears. More on that in a bit.

We decided that it would be a good time to start trying for our second child when our first was 2 years old. I suffered from Hyper Emesis again, but had a pretty good supportive network and managed through it, like I always do. After our second child was born, we were convicted in this area of marital intimacy, to let go of contraception (link to truth about birth-control), by my husband reading a great book on marital intimacy the way God intended it to be (Theology of the Body here by, Christopher West) and we then began with the Natural Family Planning method (NFP link here). 

Just before our second child turned 2, I went through a long burning desire to conceive. However, we chose not to pursue our 3rd pregnancy until our major move to another continent was complete. For some reason, we pretended to be able to foresee the future and what it would be like if I would've been pregnant during that move, prior and post. We assumed to know. We conceived soon after our move and we were expecting our 3rd. The pregnancy was terrible and hard to cope with. My husband having a new job and without the most compassionate boss, we really went through a rough patch. It must've been the second hardest pregnancy so far, unbelievable. During my final weeks of that pregnancy, my husband got promoted (and a new boss!) and we moved into a rental house, which took off enormous amounts of stress and worry. God provided. The birth once again, was a reminder of why we put ourselves through that "torture". The miracle child, the blessing, the gift in our arms, amazing! So worth it. I would go through that "torture" again and again, because the life that comes from it, is worth bearing. Of course, it's different to say it and to live it. It's hard, it really is. During my worst, I'm thinking I'm stupid to put myself through this again, how bonkers am I!? I am thankful for friends and remedies. 

Visit www.mymorningsickness.com for encouragement and ways to dodge morning sickness or to take the edge off. 

Right after the birth of our 3rd, my heart longed for this not to be "it". This amazing precious gem, in my arms, this sweet child of mine... I began to wonder, how many more of these little miracles could there be? When will my womb close? Will we ever regret  not having more kids...? Why is there a set time for child bearing and Who has the ultimate say? Not only that, but back to the "lack of connection" in our love making had a root, and thankfully a solution. 

Before, there was no freedom in our love making. There was some sort of barrier, there was pursuing self gratification and no openness to possibility of conception. I personally, as well as my husband, suffered from baggage from our past that we had brought into our marriage. I felt then, that marital love making was not much different from outside of marriage, but had to trust that it was "blessed", nevertheless because we were married. 

It was a really depressing time in my life and I felt very alone in my struggles, especially within the church. It seemed that since it was prayed over, and we were declared free from our past sin, we should've been able to go home and nooky-nooky with joy, as simple as that. I began to doubt my faith. We went through years of prayer, crying out to God, marriage counselling, and personal counselling to figure this thing out and get healing once and for all. How come I was ashamed, still, as a wife, blessed by God to make love to my husband? My husband is eye candy to me, don't get me wrong, I am so in love with him, I find him very attractive. But I couldn't engage with him in the bedroom. For years, I thought the problem was ME or MY history, or MY weight... but it was US. How come I wasn't healed from this, after so long? I even got comments from people close to me, on how I shouldn't dwell in the past sin, because I am new in Christ. Absolutely, but then why is there still a void? Intellectually I knew what was true, but my heart did not follow. Something was missing. 

Eventually, We decided to abstain from coming together for long periods of time, until proper healing took place. It wasn't easy, and a very difficult journey to commit to, but there was healing in that time which needed to take place before we could come together again. I longed for intimacy that was truly blessed by God. We knew that something wasn't right, if this is truly good, then how come it feels bad, and wrong? Where are we going wrong? 

Before coming to Christ, I lived a very promiscuous life. I met my husband during the final stages of my old self. But throughout our marriage, I really wanted to know what intimacy looked like, the way God designed it to be. We brought sex as we knew it from living in the world, before Christ, into our marriage, and then as new believers we realised it wasn't working. The way we unfortunately learned about sex, in the world, is NOT the way God intended it to be. Do you see the pieces coming together?

In the world, the focus is on one self. On self gratification, it's very lustful and just pursuing self pleasure. My prayer for the first 6 years of our marriage, was "God show me what love is meant to be, between him and I" It wasn't until the birth of our 3rd, when we realised that for me to be at ease and feel loved was by letting go of the "control". For us to have pure love making, meant that we needed to stop making it all about "me" or "us". Essentially, sex is very selfish. I get what I want, you get what you want and when we want it. The when I want it idea, especially comes in to play when thinking about conception. We had given up the idea of contraception which meant the chances of getting pregnant were high so therefor I felt pressured almost to be intimate when non fertile and just forget it when fertile. This made me feel even more used. There was no freedom to love each other freely. How can you, when all you are thinking about is yourself? What this often leads to is one or the other feeling like an object rather than desired or special. Where is the sacrifice, the submission, the love?

What we had realised therefor, is that to enjoy a blessed, pure and enjoyable intimacy, we needed to give up our control and really give ourselves to the other person. In the giving of ourselves to one another, we can experience the real meaning of the word 'love' in lovemaking. The other part to this is in giving up control, we are fully open to new life. Imagine making love that is free from everything.

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Reasons Why We Homeschool